Life Gone Gray?
Something I had to learn early on as a woman who chose not to have children, was to find something else to focus my time and attention on. While my friends were having babies and being soccer moms, I was floundering. I didn’t have their purpose and I definitely didn't have one of my own.
I continued on with my life in the way I always had, I was still going to parties, socializing, and working my way up in the world. I was drinking and eating anything I wanted, like I had in my twenties, and I was in a constant state of waiting for something bigger. Into my thirties my mind and body finally rebelled and eventually, I broke; I was miserable, overweight, and suffering from anxiety. Something had to change.
This is when I stumbled upon Life Coaching and it changed my life.
I know how it feels when you have no direction, no goals, no dreams. It sucks. I had a husband I loved, a house, a career, but I still didn’t feel fulfilled. What I realized is that just because you have all the boxes checked, you are not guaranteed happiness. Your brain still craves growth, we are not meant to be still. Like a river, our lives need to flow, still water grows stagnant.
How does this apply to you?
Life isn’t over after forty and I see for myself how my earlier lessons learned are serving me now. I evolve, adapt, and grow. Most importantly, I understand the importance of letting life evolve and change.
What once worked for you, may not work for you now. Maybe your marriage is over, your children are grown, or your career is no longer keeping you engaged. It’s time for your next evolution.
I want you to love life again. To see it with fresh eyes and to be excited to wake up in the morning. And I say to those of you rolling your eyes, it is possible.
If you’re spending your nights drinking glass after glass of wine or you're wearing out the sofa in front of the tv where you hang with your best friend Netflix, I want you to know, life isn’t over, we are women in charge of our lives and it’s just getting awesome, or at least it could be.
Now I know your first response to me here is, “I’m tired, I have no energy, I have no motivation.” But I can tell you that little by little, step by step, you can rebuild your life and create a lifestyle of health, growth, and richness.
I’m not saying you have to change everything or anything at all, I would just like you to know that having an amazing life is possible for you.
If you are ready to level up or get off that sofa here is a simple way to get started. Choose one thing in your life that you want to change and take the steps to make it happen. Maybe you want more energy, to lose weight, to travel, or to develop new friendships. Just choose one thing and get started.
I started by brainstorming things I used to love to do and then making friends who shared those interests. Then I cut back on drinking, began to eat healthier, and started working out. Eventually my life became my masterpiece and I am the artist.
Where do you start?
- Choose something to focus your attention on, preferably the thing in your life you most desire or that gives you the most grief.
If you have no idea, I recommend you start journaling. If you already journal you might want to try journaling “I want” statements. I want…I want…eventually something will come out onto the paper that resonates with you.
Think about what lights you up? Dance? Art? Theater? Maybe you love planning trips or trying new restaurants. When was the last time you felt good in your clothes, is it time for a wardrobe update? The important thing is to find something to focus your attention on.
The voice in your head will rear its ugly head and tell you all kinds of limiting things. Here are a few that have come up for me;
...it’s too late...you’re too tired...you’re too old...it’s not worth it...who do you think you are?...that’s selfish.
Prepare yourself. You know what comes up for you, think about those thoughts so you can prepare in advance to work through them, and not let them totally derail you. For example when I think these thoughts I follow them right up with these;
...it’s too late - We only get one life and every minute of it is precious, not just the first half.
...you’re too tired - If you truly are tired then I hope your focus is on your health, but if this isn’t something health related, it’s likely because you’re bored with your life, so tell yourself, just get up and get moving, you’ll be shocked how quickly your energy level will change when you engage in something other than buffering behaviors.
...you’re too old - Age is only the number of years you have been on this planet, it has nothing to do with how you live your life, unless you let it.
...who do you think you are? - I am a human being who is just as worthy as anyone else.
...that’s selfish - I am in charge of taking care of myself, no one else has that responsibility, it is mine, and that is what I am doing.
This is the hardest part of creating your life intentionally. Getting out of your own way. The rest are just steps but the thoughts you dealt with above will keep popping up so practice working through them over and over again.
- Create a list of all the things that have to happen to get there, to achieve it, or to resolve it.
Now just figure out what needs to happen. If you are planning a trip, list the steps, call a travel agent, Google destinations, buy tickets. If you want to lose weight, decide what you will change about your diet, plan the menus, write shopping lists.
- Schedule all the tasks into your calendar or daily planner.
Now schedule all the things you need to do into your planning system. Get excited here, you are changing your life one task at a time. Don’t forget to dream about the results you want, the places you will see, or the woman you will become. Get excited about life!
- Do the first task, do the second task…
Do the work, get the reward, and remember to enjoy the process. The process is where life happens, on the daily, after all.
When you achieve this thing, choose another thing. Do this over and over until you are no longer sitting on the couch, wine glass in hand, night after night.
Because if you are not focussing on growth, evolution, or creating an awesome life, your brain will focus on something like, Netflix, alcohol, food, or how fat you’ve gotten. What do you choose to set your focus on?
I did this process in the beginning with the guidance of my coach but now it just comes naturally to me. How we live our lives and spend our precious time becomes a habit; make your habits awesome.
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