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How to Feel More Love

Mylar balloon in letters L-O-V-E held infront of a plain white wall by an unseen person.


The definition of love according to the internet dictionary is - an intense feeling of deep affection. Who doesn't want more of that? Who doesn’t want to feel more love?

There was a time when I thought I couldn't really feel love. I know I loved my family and friends but mostly it was a knowing, not an actually feeling, if that makes sense. There was a time in my life when I felt very little at all. I was numb.

I felt attraction which is the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure or liking for someone or something. I felt occasional bubbles of joy. But most of the time I wallowed in a discontented misery.

I was over drinking, partying, over eating, over-doing to escape a life I wasn't loving. I didn't feel in charge of my life and I also didn't realize I was the only one truly responsible for it. I was feeling let down by life and disappointed. Deflated. I was indulging in novelty, escape, and quick fixes that just made it all worse.

I was getting fatter, more unhealthy, and out of shape. I was pushing people away and not making connections. I wasn’t moving my life forward and I certainly wasn’t doing anything I dreamed of. I spent more time ruminating than dreaming anyway.

I thought life was happening to me, that I was a victim, and I wasn’t at fault.… but I was.

I was choosing to numb out and escape instead of actively learning how to allow my feelings and take control of my life.

Changing from before (numb) to after (feeling love and all the rest) kind of sucks at first, because we are a hot mess of unhealthy bodies, wacky brain chemicals, hormones, and overactive cravings caused by addictions to sugar, alcohol, tv, drugs, stimulation, and escaping life. Living an awesome healthy life takes a holistic approach because everything we do affects everything else.

Staying numb and feeling very little seems easier until it’s not. Eventually I hit a brick wall and through a literal aha moment and coaching I decided to take responsibility. I decided to take charge of my life.

Here is the awesome news. We can actually learn and train ourselves to feel more love. We are in charge of this. It really is my responsibility. Doesn't that thought feel more empowering than thinking we just don't feel love, that it's just how we are made. I would argue that love is the best feeling we can have right? So let's get to it. Let's learn how we can feel more love.

(Not to mention the cascade of other positive things love will bring to your life.)

1. Our thoughts create our feelings so in order to feel more love we need to think more loving thoughts.

If you want to feel more love about a person, an activity, a goal, or a topic you can make that happen with a little practice. Thinking more loving thoughts is absolutely necessary to feel love for anything.

2. Ask yourself, what thoughts would generate more feelings of love?

Think about what you love about a person, your job, even your boss. You can learn or train yourself to feel more love anywhere in your life. If we begin to focus our thoughts on what we love about someone or something it will fuel our feelings for them as well.

3. Spend time actively practicing thinking loving thoughts about who or whatever is the object of your affection.

For example if you want to feel more love for your husband spend time thinking about what you love and appreciate about him.

Most of us spend time thinking about what we don't like about a person. We think about what they're not doing, what they have done wrong, and many times we ruminate over and over again in these negative patterns which perpetuates, the problem. Negativity even in our thoughts simply breeds more negativity while positivity breeds more positivity.

5. Feelings fuel our actions.

As you are doing this practice of thinking loving thoughts and feeling love, let it actually fuel your actions, what do you do when you feel love for your husband? Do you tell him? Do you make him a yummy dinner? Do you offer to help him with one of his usual chores? Do you plan time to relax with him? Do you listen to him?

6. Love creates more love.

When you practice loving thoughts do you see how it creates even more love? You think, then feel, then act, lovingly, which encourages loving thoughts and actions right back at you. Of course, we don't love for loves return, that's not the point, but we can't argue with how love expands.

I know this sounds really simplistic and it is. What a shame we don’t learn these things before we get ourselves into a bad place. I may have spent much more of my time, my life, feeling love, joy, and caring for others instead of focusing on the negative, the angst, or the irritations in life.

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